Escape from harsh reality through photography
In the middle of nowhere in Lithuania, dreams are a shaggy-dog story – and a bitter, sour life lives at the bottom of bottles of alcohol. Some young people flee a small village hidden in the Baltic states with the hope of finding a better life somewhere else. I have been there myself. I left on time. The collective goal back there is to work and drink, and do it again the next day… Many kids in that village have at least one parent with a drinking problem. Many are domestically abused and witness their parents’ lowest lows. Even so, this is not a sad story. It is a story that celebrates the dream of a young 17-year-old photographer from Lithuania called Pau.
“Life goes by,” says Pau describing her reality. “I live in a family of nine in a two-bedroom house. Before some of the elderly siblings moved out, we were sleeping seven in one small room. We slept on the floor next to each other. The situation with space is better now as there are only four kids staying at home full time.
“My step-father has a drink problem,” says Pau. “When he is at home from his trips working as a long-distance lorry driver, there are always people in the house drinking and playing loud music until morning. My parents care little about our education; parties are carried out sometimes on school nights.
“It is tough to get decent rest – some of the older siblings follow that lifestyle and drink at the same table. My parents’ most harmful words to me were that I will never make it as a photographer, and that it is impossible to make a living off doing something like this. I was told I am not an artist in the first place.”
“The biggest challenge is living in an environment where very little support is available,” says Pau. “You try, you believe, and you seek to achieve your goals, but it is hard to find people that have faith in you.”
“But all this does not matter because I have a dream,” adds Pau. “Despite all the discouraging words around me, I know I won’t give up my dreams. Photography helps me to express myself and gives me strength.
“When I need to escape from my house, I take my camera and go outside. One look through the camera’s viewfinder, and I disconnect from the situation around me. It’s hard to put into words what I feel in that moment – it is like I undergo pressure relief, and all my worries disappear with just one click.”
“I was around eight years old,” recalls Pau. “My first interest in photography started when I got my hands on a phone with a camera. I spent hours taking pictures of nature outside. I was amazed and shocked that you can freeze the beauty of the moment in that square frame. My first second-hand Nikon camera was given to me when I was 14. My best friend’s older sister, who is currently studying an arts course in London, bought it for me.
“When she visits her family here, she always spends time with me and we organise small shoots with local girls. We talk about the future and art, especially photography. She was the first person who encouraged me to develop my passion for photography. She is a person who believes in aspirations, and that dreams can come true if you work for them. I think she saw talent and passion in me. Until this day, she supports and guides me, always sharing information and reminding me that knowledge opens doors to a better life.”
“Most people think that I am weird,” says this aspiring photographer when describing the other teenagers where she lives. “Although many of the other teenagers enjoy carousing, I am not like them. I have no interest in that lifestyle. I try to separate myself from alcohol and instead focus on my education. I have a clear image in front of me of how alcohol destroys lives. Not only will it demolish yours, it will tear your family apart.”
“I have clear goals. Every day, counting the days until I finish high school and will be 18 years old. Then I will finally be able to leave all this mess behind me. I know I won’t have family support, either emotionally or financially. Still, I’m not afraid. I am used to it. I worked at animal farms and grain warehouses to gather money over the summers to buy school essentials from a very young age. I am not afraid of work, and there is work for those who seek it.”
“My biggest dream is to go and study photography in London,” says Pau. “My friend is always speaking highly about the University of the Arts in London where she is currently studying. She brought me some leaflets from the university and explained what I need to focus on to prepare for studying there. She offered her support and strictly told me to focus on my English language skills. I consider myself lucky. Someone in London believes in me, and even offered me a place to stay when I arrive.”
“I have already started thinking about my portfolio and did few collaborations with other artists. I produced my first credible work when a filmmaker from London asked me to organise the costumes for the ‘Morphide’ music video. I needed to gather old clothes, make them dirty, add some chains and other rusty metal details. I was grateful when the filmmaker drove from London to meet me and collect the outfits.
“That was a positive kick and encouragement, when I saw the costumes in the music video. And I recently started taking pictures for Marshall arts competitions. My friend once asked me to come with her and take some pictures of her, then shared the photographs with the Pantera’s sports club, and the trainer asked me to go along to competitions to take photos of the fights. I feel that I am building up my connections and meeting more like-minded people.”